In the context of a blog, 'earful' doesn't work, but the meaning is still there.
Just got back from the bar and ... I don't really know why I am so pissed off. It was a fine evening, but I am fairly on my way to being tipsy, so I guess alchohol does just amplify your mood, because on any normal night I would just be a little miffed. But tonight, I just want to scream at the world. I h0ld a lot of this kind of thing in, so in this moment, I figure I have a right to let it out at the top of my typing voice. Ask me tomorrow, and I will feel bad about it, but I won't delete this blog because, secretly, I will be glad I wrote this.
I am so sick of men following thier dicks. They get so fucking stupid about everything when you combine a pretty girl with some liquid courage. Hell, she doesn't even have to be pretty. Any girl, any girl who is even a little willing. I'll admit, I have, at times, taken advantage of men like this. It's not some of my proudest moments, and its not some of their proudest moments either. Like I said - she doesn't even have to be pretty. Call me a hypocrit, because I am in this situation, but it just pisses me off.
Being in the bar tonight was like watching a bunch of fucking hormone driven teenagers at a middle school dance. But not like the school dances we all had as kids (you know, enough room for Jesus in the middle, kids!), school dances now. With all the floating tension in that room tonight, all I have to say is that someone, ANYONE, had better be getting laid. Otherwise, the whole evening was a wasted torture device. Except for maybe some of the dart players - at least the ones who were focused on the game.
Who knows? Maybe I am just being a prude. In fact, I know I am. I am a lonely prude. Maybe it is jelaousy -probably is too - because with all the objects of desire being lusted after by all the men, the number of people to have a real conversation with kept going down. There are a lot of interesting people in the crowd, and any one of them I would have loved to have struck up a sustained conversation with - but you can't really do that when they are focused on matters below the waist. Thank God for some people.
Of course, I can't just blame it on the girls, who are asking for it, or the men, who want it in their groins. I have to blame myself. This is what makes me so mad: that it bothers me. I don't know why I watch a man grope all over not 1, not 2, but 3 girls, and get mad. Its none of my business. And the girls don't mind, so why should I? Again, jelaousy probably.
But this is more than that. It's just another incident in a series of disappointments with the human race. Lately I seem to be reminded of the lower levels of human interaction. A couple dear friends of mine disappointed me the other day (something I never thought they could do - I looked up to them for so long), and then another friend was being so damn indifferent to me after a couple days of pure friendship bliss. Things with the job have been less than good, and I have been dealing with non-stop Inconsiderates and a couple of Assholes. And top everything off with sleep/health problems.
I need to just shut up and get some sleep - but now would be a really bad time to get addicted to sleeping pills. Wish I had a boxing bag in my room right now.