Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I'm Poor, but I Wanna get Married: 1st finished DIY project and update

They're finished!!

First off, how do you like my Ring Bearer Pillows?  I guess they're not much, but I'm a little proud of them, even though I know I really don't have a right to be.  Like I said, they're not much.
Well, at least my first DIY project is complete.  And I did this one on my own!  Woot!

Let's see, what else???  Here is the updated Save The Dates designed by Ashley Masias.  Ashley is my dear friend from college, and she has been gracious enough to do the Save the Dates for us as well as the invitations.  She's ridiculously talented, and she knows me so well.

Let's see, what else???  Oh yeah, I bought a wedding dress.  This might be a cautionary tale for other brides.  So, you know about most of the drama from the last blog (which I would like to take this time to apologize for.  Sometimes you just have to let it all out).  Part of me wants to re-hash all of that, but I don't want to go there, so read the previous blog for full details.  I figured I would buy my 2nd favorite dress online because it was only On Sale online.  So, it comes down to the time when I have to make my online purchase and I CAN'T FIND THE DRESS ON THE WEBSITE.  It's gone.  Completely!  I checked to see if it might have moved to the Outlet section, but no.  It's just gone.  Thinking about it now, I don't understand why I didn't have a small heart attack.  The good thing was that I had a couple other options, which I quickly narrowed down to 2.  It ended up being me and my mom discussing my two options in the kitchen, and making a decision before we all gathered to play pinochle.  Here's the scary part: I have not tried on a sample of the dress.  This is a big "no-no" for brides.  It's a huge risk.  So, I am a little nervous.  But there is something I do feel really good about: I know that with this dress, I am going to feel like a bride.  That was a fear of mine from day 1.  When I was looking at really cheap and simple wedding dresses, I was always concerned that I would not feel the part on that day.  But with the dress I chose, at least on the fashion side, I know I am going to have that feeling.

On the ceremony front: we had it narrowed down to 2 possible locations.  Admittedly, it has taken way too long to get this nailed down.  And a number of things were depending on the choice.  I feel terrible that Ahren did not get his wish on the location.  He really wanted an outdoor wedding, but once we had to move the date of the wedding, we decided that inside would be safer.  October is a little ... unsure, as far as weather goes.  So, we narrowed possibilities down to either the church we have both been attending, or the theater where I have worked for 7 years.  Well, I called the Pastor today, and he told me that the church will probably not be available.  So, location number 2 it seems to be.  We'll email the reserve tonight and meet with someone soon to book it.  So, crossed fingers all, and hope nothing goes wrong.

Well, one last thing: Ahren decided he wanted to book Althea's Cakery to make our wedding cake, so we've got a testing coming up on March 10th!  I'm excited!  If you're around Bemidji, I highly suggest swinging by the Cakery and trying their cupcakes.  TO DIE FOR!  So, I will probably dish on that afterwards!

Until then: hugs and kisses from the future Mrs!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I'm Poor, but I Wanna get Married - Guilt

The topic for this entry is one I have REALLY been struggling with.  It is also one that I have discovered no solution to, yet. 

Guilt.  No one ever told me that in planning your wedding you will get a bad case of it.  I guess maybe this doesn't happen for all brides, but I would think it would happen somewhat often for brides like me.  What do I mean, like me?  I mean girls who have, indeed, been dreaming of this day for as long as they knew wedding existed, and who happen to be broke. 

Most of the time I find the no money thing a fun challenge, not a problem.  But then you run into a bump in the road.  For each bride it will be different, but for me, it is the gown. 

Trust me, I know, I know; It is incredibly superficial and selfish.

Here was my downfall: I went wedding dress shopping and I did something that I should not have done.  I had no idea what kind of thing would look good on me, so I decided that I would try on, just so I could find out.  Which was fine until I decided to ignore price tags.  No, strike that, I didn't ignore them, I just didn't look at them.  I chose dresses without looking at the tags.  I wasn't looking to buy a dress that day anyways.  I just wanted to try on some to see what would look good on me.  And, on one hand, it was successful because I did find out a lot about what would look good on me.  The problem is: I found dresses that did look good on me.  REALLY good.  I kinda fell in love with some.  Thus began the guilt.  #1: for dragging my family all the way to the nearest David's Bridal to watch me try on dresses.  It was an all day trip for, in the end, almost nothing.  #2: for the wonderful girl who helped me.  She was so wonderful. Really sweet.  A lot of these girls work on commission, so my idea of just going to try on was really just a waste of her time.  For that, I feel really bad.  All I can think now is: was it really worth that trip to discover that Ivory looks best on me, I can wear strapless dresses, and my favorite neckline is Sweetheart?

Fast forward.  My fiance and I were talking dresses over and we finally came to a decision on the budget based on ... just our feelings that paying any more for a dress would be wasteful.  $200.  Well for those of you who know anything about dresses, that is on the extreme cheap side.  Not saying that it can not be done.  But, all the dresses I tried on are now out of the question.  Which kinda made the whole trip almost worthless.  And I feel bad about that.  And I feel bad about getting excited over the dresses I liked in the first place.  REALLY bad.  I got caught up in the moment of looking and feeling good.  And for a little bit there I was not thinking about how much I love my fiance, but how good I could look for him.  I figured on having my dress made by a friend I have, but she's got a toddler and a newborn at home, so it's not like she has a lot of time, and I can't compensate her well for her time in making the dress.  And I feel bad about that which means:

Guilt sets in.  And it stays for a long time.

And not just about dresses.  About everything.  I get these amazing ideas for decorations and such, and I get excited about them.  But then I think about how much it would cost.  Then I feel guilty.  It has even gotten to the point that it doesn't matter how cheap it is, I still feel bad about thinking about those things. 

My fiance's Dad came to talk to us a while ago and he mentioned how little it cost him and his wife to get married.  Granted, that was back 27 years ago, and their wedding was under special circumstances, so it was quick and simple; but it made me feel like we were being too extravagant.  I should say that he didn't say that is what we were doing, he just was shocked that a dress could cost about $500.  Considering that his entire wedding was under that much.  He didn't say anything to make me feel bad, I just read in between the lines.  And now I can't get that out of my head.

So, I feel guilty about this whole thing.  Every time I start to think about making plans for this wedding I get a shot of guilt.  Do we really need to invite all these people?  Do we really need to get married in a church?  Why should I care about what I look like on that day?  Do you really need a photographer?  Why should you waste any money on decorations?  Yeah, you want to have fun, but isn't having a wedding dance a little much?

What is worse is that I feel guilty about the flip side too.  Is it fair to your guests that you are not having dinner, let alone a cocktail reception?  How can you ask them to travel that distance if you're not even entertaining them in style?  If you're not giving out favors, it is really fair that they give you gifts? 


I used to love planning my wedding, but now I just feel guilty all the time.  Part of me says: just elope.  But that is the one thing I WILL NOT do.  I don't want that at all, and I will give up everything I have to in order to ensure that I have at least our families there on that day.  And I feel guilty about that.

It's like this endless sucking vortex of guilt and bad feelings.  I can't seem to get myself out of it, and I don't know what to do.  And all because I went and tried on some dresses.

My poor fiance has tried to help, but I can see him getting a little frustrated with the whole thing too.  I just want to feel good about my wedding again.  I love weddings, and I love planning them, but I just can't handle the guilt.

Sorry folks, just had to rant about that.  I'm not asking for sympathy, or anything like that, but if you have any ideas on how to beat the Guilt, please feel free to let me know!