Wednesday, January 19, 2011


I'll try and keep this short because I need to get some sleep before work at 5AM tomorrow.

So yeah - Ahren (the boy who got me flowers) is going to be around for a while, and a major part of my life. We're together now. Boyfriend/girlfriend like. *Majorly blushing right now*

We're kind of cute together. We're both pretty cautious and new to this whole relationship thing, so we take everything pretty slow. But this also means that we're comfortable being completely blunt with each other. We're not scared to admit our shortcomings to each other, which, in turn, endears us to one another. We're slowly exploring each other ... that is the best way I can describe it. It's like we've set off on this new adventure together. Holding hands, we're taking baby steps down the path. It's so very sweet. It's strange, but even with this incredible caution, we completely trust each other. I mean, I know, somehow, that he would never intentionally do anything to hurt me. I feel so safe and secure when I am with him.

This is a big thing for me: You all know how much I say "I'm Sorry" and I get a lot of grief about it from a lot of people. So much so, that sometimes I just get so mad about it. But when I say "I'm sorry" to Ahren, he just looks at me and says "It's okay" And get this: I believe him. When I am with him, I don't feel like I'm constantly making mistakes, or in the way. I feel apart of the world, not just an observer of it. And when he compliments me, (which he does ... a lot), I actually find myself believing him. He says I'm pretty and while I don't understand it, I believe it. I have so many physical, mental, and emotional flaws, and all this time I felt like that was going to keep me from ever finding someone. But there is Ahren, right next to me, in spite of all of that. And he is almost the same way. He posted a song on Facebook - Rascal Flatt's 'God Bless the Broken Road.' It's kind of perfect.

What is even better: it is not a one-sided relationship. Not to bloat my ego or anything, but I do things for him as well. I make him happy. Again: I don't understand it, I can't imagine how, but he tells me this is true, and I believe him.

We talk about family a lot, because they're very important to each of us. And apparently, from what I can tell, they are very similar. We can't wait to introduce each other to our parents and siblings. I know he will fit in perfectly with Mom & Dad, Steph & Chris, and Nick & Amy. Yes, even Nick will like him - I am sure :D While we were talking about seeing family, he said that we should see my folks before his because, while we're already seeing each other, he wants to ask my Dad if he can continue to "court" me. I about melted on the very spot. It's nice to find someone who likes the old fashioned ideas of a relationship.

He's also incredibly supportive my of theatre/crazy side. He doesn't seem to mind how much of my life has become ingrained in that. When I laugh at something and tell him it's a theatre thing, he doesn't mind at all. And I can explain to him all the private jokes and experiences in my life, and he gets them. Even with nicknames - we talked about that and I can tease him about something he was called when he was younger, even though I wasn't apart of that. His personal passions are becoming my interests, and I can't wait until we can go to a drag race or something together. I also can't wait to take him to see a show. When I go to see his family, I'm going to learn how to milk a cow :D I'm excited for it all. I want to learn new things together and try all our individual interests with each other.

The past couple of days have been the happiest of my life thus far. There are time when I swear, I'm floating above the ground. When I was younger we sang a song in Chorus called "All Around the World Tonight" and I always pictures a man a woman dancing through the stars when I heard it. That is what he makes me feel like: waltzing in the star speckled sky. I've been so perky and giddy at work that even the costumers have started noticing. I prance (yes, prance), I bounce, I dance through each hour of the day.

Well, I better end it here, for now. More will come, I promise, but I'm so comforted talking about Ahren that I'm completely relaxing and the music I am listening to as I write this is rocking me to sleep.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Start of something good??

So ... I had a good day yesterday.

Started out like any other. Got to work at 9:00, it's Dollar Days so we were pretty busy. Before I knew it, it was time for my hour break. I go back to my locker to get some change for a soda and there is a Post*It on my locker. First thought was that Karla (HR Director) had to see me about something. I look at it, and it says "There is something for you in the Break Room"


So, I go in there, and I see a vase with some flowers in it. On the vase is another Post*It that says "For Teresa" I thought for sure there was some mistake. There were a couple of my co-workers in the room too, and they all asked who the flowers were from. While I still was sure there was some mistake (there is another Teresa at Luekens as well), I went ahead and looked at the card. It said "To the girl who is always on my heart"

Now there HAS to be some mistake ... I am not that lucky.

But - the note was on my locker, not anyone else's. I didn't recognize the handwriting so a staff (eventually about 5 or so people) looked at the note and most of them were convinced they knew who it was from. But they were not going to tell me, because they weren't sure. One of my managers was nice enough to offer to tell me if I didn't figure it out by the time I was done with work.

So, I come off the break and head up to Service Counter. On my way, I pass one of my co-workers - this boy named Ahren. Ever since I started working at Luekens this boy has been incredibly nice and friendly to me. He always makes me smile and we like to talk. When I thought about it, I realized this could be a possibility. I mean, he was actually the only slight possible choice. But as I passed he asked how my break was in such a casual way, I was sure I was wrong.

Still, as the night went on, I couldn't figure out who it might have been. I almost asked Ahren as he came up to pay for his break food, but I quickly decided not to. I mean, if he said 'no' I would be back at square one and look like a fool. Not too long later I was sent on my 15 min break. So I went back there and in the break room was just Ahren. After a little small talk, I tried to ask him in a round about way. He looked at me like I was crazy and said "no" At that point, I wanted to sink into the floor because by then I had convinced myself that I really wanted it to be him. There was a two-second god-awful silence and then he said "to the girl who is always on my heart"

And mine stopped.

After that is kinda blurry, but there was a lot of blushing, stammering, and a surprising lack of words. I didn't know what to say! Except "thank you" and I'm pretty sure after the 4th time saying it, that got old. I gave him a hug and miraculously got up the courage to ask him if he wanted to get coffee or something sometime. He said yes, but the problem is finding a time when we are both available. (He also works on his family farm, so he's pretty busy) He agreed to meet me after he was done with work.

So, fast-forward a couple hours. We meet up in the closed Deli and proceed to spend the next 2 hours talking. It was wonderful! Surprisingly, it was pretty easy. You all know how awkward I am - especially with conversations - but there was a shockingly small amount of not-so-awkward pauses. It was very comfortable. Eventually, the managers notify us that it is time for them to leave, and therefore, we should to.

We talked a little more in the parking lot and finally said good-bye. We hugged again, and not to go off on a tangent, but I have to say that it was very comfortable - hugging him, I mean. I didn't want to let go :) *blushing*

So - that's my story. I haven't really stopped smiling since then - even through working Books this morning! I have found myself singing a lot today and really enjoying those "it's great to be alive" kind of songs. So yeah, I'm giddy. The roses smell so beautiful and are perfectly in bloom (see below:)

No official plans yet. I can't imagine that we're going to make any kind of anything quickly. We're still kind of feeling each other out - which, if I were an outsider, I would think is adorable. We both seem to be a little guarded, and we're easing into this new thing. Which, I can't define right now. I don't like to assume anything, so as of right now, I just got some flowers from a very good friend. There may or may not be more, I don't know. I can't read him at all - not that that has ever been a strong point of mine. My natural tendency towards caution and self-deprecation tells me that is all it is: friend - there is no way that there is more; people don't think of me in that way. Remember: I am a confirmed hopeless case - I have given up on the idea of that kind of relationship in my life. But my other tendency towards hope tells me that there might be something. When I think about it, I tend to drive myself a little crazy, BUT I don't think about it too much.
So, I'm just a girl who got flowers for a very sweet guy :D

Friday, January 7, 2011

Check out these theaters ... so sad.

I'm a sucker for the stage. Even empty, deserted, decaying ones. There's a strange beauty to these places.
Mostly I like the idea of what these places were before they were abandoned. What plays they housed, what performances they sheltered - and also what led them to the state they are in now.
When I look through the photos, I keep picturing in my mind a solitary ghost in greasepaint standing in a faint spotlight, with echos of the past surrounding them, forever playing to an audience that isn't there anymore.