I'm Poor, But I Wanna Get Married: keeping on track

Actually, this should be subtitled: Keeping yourself Myself on Track.

I have a tendency to get a little carried away sometimes.  I've been planning versions of dream weddings since I was a little girl.  I'm a wedding junky.  I adore weddings.  Mostly because of the amount of love poured into the day, but also because secretly, and deep down, I am a little style diva.  I love good style in any form, though I don't have any to save my life!  So, I would often make up many different scenarios and concepts and colors for weddings and do a lot research a look at a lot of pictures and plan it all out in my mind.  Lots of fun.  But not so good when it comes to planning your own wedding.

Reasons?  #1: Fake weddings have no budget and no limits. #2: there is no one to disappoint when there is no one but yourself. #3: you can pick up and drop concepts like flower petals and, again, no one cares!

So, yeah, I have a tendency to get carried away.  And I am on this wedding.  Looking at the style and contemplating what everything would look like and what everything would cost is starting to take over and I am loosing track of why this is happening in the first place.  So, this blog is my reminder.

Most important: I wouldn't be planning a real wedding if it weren't for Ahren.  He loves me, and I love him, and this wedding is about us getting married.  It sounds so simple.  Sometimes I think people forget that a wedding is nothing without the marriage; the actual act of getting married.  Two people vowing to spend the rest of their lives together.  THAT is why all of this is happening.  And never, EVER, should anything overwhelm that.

What do I want out of this?  Like I said, the most important part is that I get married to Ahren.  But after that, what is important to me?  Why don't I just head to the courthouse? 

The Most Immediate Answer: I would not get married without my mom and dad there.  My Dad HAS to give me away.

The General Answer: I want the important people in our lives to be there for that moment.  Yes, the guests are important.  But it is not about the number of guests and inviting everyone we know.  Honestly, I want the people who don't care to just stay away.  NO ONE should feel obligated to come to this wedding.  I want people to want to be there, and I want the people who have played a big role in our lives to witness that moment.  I want them to be there with us, and for us.

So yeah, I am still going to worry about what kind of decorations to do for the ceremony, and how much a wedding dress costs, and what are our best location options, but at the end of the day, I don't care if people think this was one cheap wedding.  If they think that, then good riddance.  But if they can walk away from all of this knowing how much we love them, and how much we love each other, I will be the happiest bride on earth!

If I can just keep coming back to Love, than I'll be kept on track.

Love and Kisses from the future Mrs!

I'm Poor, but I Wanna Get Married - Changes (and Update and Explanation)

This blog is a little more personal than the rest, but I did find an overall theme that most brides will have to contend with, so let me explain:

Changes. Obviously, they are closely related to compromises, they are going to be apart of your wedding, and while they are sometimes not fun, it's something you will have to learn to live with, and be relatively happy about it.  Here's hoping that the changes in your wedding will be relatively un-stressful.  You just have to learn to go with the flow, take a deep breath, and move on.  But here is something else that I just discovered the other night: No matter what, remember that you need to keep the end product in mind.  Its about your Wedding - the day that you join your life with another.

Moment of rant: forgive me, but this has been on my mind.  I'm a wedding show junkie (I admit it, I love watching wedding shows. A lot,  like a LOT!)  But I noticed something, and it bugs the crap out of me.  It's all about color and theme and look and price.  Never once have I seen a bride on one of those shows say: "I want this day to be about celebrating our love for one another"  Maybe that is because it should go without saying.  But when you are going to be married, why, OH WHY, would you not say that over and over again?  Just something I had to get off my chest.

Anyways ...

My fiance is not as enthused about wedding planning as I am.  He's not un-interested, but at a certain point, his eyes get a kind of glaze and I realize that it has probably become too much and that he has had enough. Poor guy. The two of us are not decision makers by nature.  We're both too afraid to make the wrong decision, and disappointing someone, or do something wrong.  We are almost too sensitive to the needs of others.  This obviously makes things a lot harder.  I mean, I have a hard time convincing myself that planning what I am going to wear that day is not incredibly selfish; We're just more focused on our guests.  Early on, we decided that the most important part of that day was our getting married, but the second most important part of that is having the people we love with us.

Which brings us to our Change.  We found out over Christmas that my sister is pregnant again!  YAY!  Niece or Nephew #5 is on it's way!!!!  First off, let me make it clear that we are EXCITED for Steph, Chris, Dakota, and Baby Pickles pt 2 (this is my name for future little one).  New Baby, New Baby, New Baby! (You can't see it, but I'm doing a happy dance right now)

Now, for the less fun part: Steph did the math and realized that the approximate due date would be a little too near the wedding.  We can't guarantee that Chris will be able to get leave to come to the wedding, so it could be just Steph and Dakota (and possibly Baby Pickles pt2).  Driving all the way from NY is out, and air travel in the 3rd trimester is a "No."  Train is a possibility, but any travel when you are that far along is problematic at best. So, basically, if we wanted Steph at the wedding, we had to move the date.  :S  Enter our problem.

We either had to move the wedding up to May, or push it back a month or more.  As time is your friend for a Budget Bride, shaving off 4 months of planning and saving was something we just couldn't do.  So we had to move it back.  We wanted Chris there, but the only way we could guarantee that is if we held out until around Christmas.  While it was a bonus for the people in our immediate family, and anyone who would already be in the area, for most others, it would be a major problem.  Most everyone from outside the general northern Minnesota area would probably not come.  Not to mention, that we risk bad traveling conditions, which would make it possible that NO ONE from out of state would come.  If there should be a blizzard, we would have to postpone anyways, and we just thought that it would be too risky.  (By the by, as I write all this, I still feel INCREDIBLY guilty)

Long story short(er), we settled on October.  Second weekend in October.  October 13, 2012!! Which, I came to realize afterwards is my Grandma & Grandpa Gaskill's Anniversary.  Figures, huh?  I mean, we picked the first date and then I realized that it was Mom's birthday, and now we pick a second day and this.  At first, I was worried that people might think we are trying to overshadow their special day, but I was convinced that instead, it would just be a good omen.

I know this throws a monkey wrench in plans for some people, and trust me, I feel bad about it.  But, I figure, more time to change plans is better than less time.  I hope no one gets mad.  I'm trying to maintain the idea that the people who want to be there will be there if they can.  I'm trying to please all, and this Change was a little bit of a wake up call.  I can't please everyone, and maybe I should be focusing more on the two of us.  I still have a hard time with this, though. 

Good news though: this has inspired Ahren and I to make more definite decisions, and this has also led to setting a wedding dress shopping date.  I've been fighting with myself about that.  Being very Budget-conscious, I figured that I would just skip it altogether, since I figured I wouldn't be able to afford a store dress.  Plus, you know how I feel about focusing on myself, even though I kind of want to do it.  However, Ahren has been pushing me to do this, and he and Mom ganged up on me, and we've set a Shop Date!  So, look out Fargo, I'll be seeing you Jan 28th, and we'll be trying on pretty dresses!  I'm getting kind of excited about the whole thing, which has led me to another "moral" to pass on to brides like me:

Have Fun!  It's so easy to get bogged down in the chores and worries that go with planning a wedding.  So much so, that sometimes it feels selfish to concentrate on something that makes you happy.  You and you alone.  I honestly struggle with this. But the thing is, if you don't concentrate on something that makes you happy, you will come to resent the whole wedding.  What Ahren made me realize is that going shopping is not about spending money, it's a bonding experience and its helpful.  Whether we find a dress or not doesn't matter.  It will help me to see myself as a bride, help me decide what I want to look like, help me get excited, hopefully without feeling selfish.

So, please, brides everywhere.  In honor of this, have some happy wedding planning time.  Go shopping with the important women in your life.  Dish about the details with your bridal party. Watch wedding shows with your best friend. Surf the net with your fiance.  Go to as many taste tests as you want!  Enjoy it!

I think that is probably more than enough for now.  More to come as it comes!

Hugs and Kisses from the Future Mrs!