'DoG SeeS GoD' Post Mortem AND Dakota is born!

My life for the past month is over :( Why haven't I been blogging? Because I've been busy :) Busy with theatre :D But now I am done :(
How did it all go?? Well, let me tell you (pictures included!) (If any one of the people who worked on this show are reading this, hope no one is offended, but it is the truth from my perspective)
Well, it was interesting. We overcame a lot, I mean, A LOT!
We got off to a bad start because the person who was basically the producer didn't know the show that well at all. She had seen scenes and knew the general idea, but hadn't completely read the script or done any kind of analysis at all. So, it came as a complete surprise to her that we would require more than $300. to do the show well. :S Here's a tip to future producers: do your research BEFORE starting something. Another bad thing: the production crew was less than good. Many of them were BRAND new to what they had signed on to do. This would not have been too much of a problem if they at least had (1) dedication and (2) the ability to ask questions. What really drove me crazy was that it was all amateur problems: not reading the script, not doing an analysis, but mostly it was not asking questions and not doing their jobs. Sorry, it just drove me crazy. Not to mention that we barely ever had every designer at any given production meeting.
Our Assistant Designer and Stage Manager were in the university show, so they were never at rehearsals. Both eventually lost their titles. The only ASM to ever show up after auditions was kinda surprised to learn that she became the SM and had to call the show. Bless her heart, she tried, but she had never done this before and had no idea what to do. Because the original SM wasn't on top of things at all, there was no paper tech or dry tech, so Tech week was TERRIBLE!
Don't even get me started on Props and Set :S Sound was not great because our original person who signed up to do both lights and sound decided a couple weeks into it that he was too busy to do both, and (surprise, surprise) didn't have the knowledge to do Sound Design. On one side I was glad he at least admitted it, but seriously, he couldn't have thought of that before? So, we got another sound designer - a guy who wasn't in school, so he had limited time availability. Mostly he did okay, but some of the sounds were all wrong, but since time was short, there was nothing we could do. Also: I had to turn to Barry for one of the sound cues, because even the new Sound guy didn't have the ability to do what we needed for the dance sequence. :S
But enough about the stressful side of things:
The cast was fantastic. PHENOMENAL! When we chose the cast, I made sure that no one could easily walk into the role. Everyone had potential, but no one found it too easy. They all worked hard and really latched on to the show and to the characters.
I don't know if I already mentioned this, but for this show I was able to contact the author. No kidding, I have his phone number in my phone right now. (not that I would call him out of the blue like that, but I'm just saying: it's there) He was SO amazing and kind. He offered to send me the unpublished version of the script, and if we liked it, he gave us permission to use it. So, use it we did, because Love it we DID! Both versions are great, but the unpublished version really put the cycle of bullying front and center and it made it all a little more complete.
How did the show go? Aside from some tech issues: INCREDIBLY WELL! We sold out pretty quickly both nights and all of the reactions were very positive. We got rave reviews from 2 of Bemidji's biggest theatre supporters and participants, and no one seemed to have any complaints at all.
This is one of the best experiences of my life in theatre - no kidding. Following are some of my favorite pictures from the process.

"You make me sick'

"Prick"

'The Hangover'

'High as a Kite'

mixing drinks at lunchtime

scars

'DoG SeeS GoD' official poster :D

'Nocturne'

'Fire is Bad'

'Dear CB...'

'Dear CB...'

Beethoven playing the piano

the actors focusing in

ALSO ...

Guess what?! I'm an aunt again! Stephanie had her baby! Dakota Paul Manikowski was 7 lbs 1oz, 20 inches long and in good health. Apparently he is a little fussy about eating, but other than that he is doing great, and so is new Mommy! I'll have more for you once I get to see him this weekend.

Update - it's been awhile!

Here is where I am:
* In Bemidji
* working a job at Luekens as a Front End employee (cashier & bagger). I like the place and the people and I like the job. It's not my dream job, but its earning money and I like it.
* still working on 'Dog Sees God' with Theatre Unlimited. It is going well, I think. Tech could be going better, but I still have faith that we'll pull together. Acting-wise, this show is AMAZING! The cast is a wonderful group of people and I can only think that we will make this into something special.

That is about it. As far as how I am doing, well, that varies according to the day and time. Mostly though, I am okay. I love working on this show, and I kinda love having to work somewhere else to make that possible. So, while my situation is far from ideal, it's not bad. The show makes it all worthwhile, and I don't think I have ever been this excited to be apart of something. I'm not saying I am an amazing director or anything, but I am certainly much more confident about my abilities and less constricted by my failures.

So all is good, and things are well.

Why I need to do this - 'DoG SeeS GoD'

I'm not Miss Up-To-Date most of the time, I admit it. I just mostly don't get to hear/see/read much of the news. I also kind of avoid it because ... well, because its just depressing. I know, not a good excuse at all. I'm trying to remedy that slowly. That aside, sometimes you can't not know the news. (if that makes sense) Sometimes, it comes at you from everywhere.

That said, I am big in believing in things that were meant to be. How does this connect? Let me tell you: Most everyone who has even been on Facebook has heard about the Tyler C story. In case you haven't, here is the just: a young gay man took his own life after being bullied about a webcam broadcast his roommate secretly made of Tyler and a male friend of his. This is the latest in a long line of items I have been seeing lately about gay teenage suicide.

Let me be clear: I don't agree with suicide, I think it is never the right answer, and sometimes I think it is a cowardly way out. But that being said, I have almost nothing but sympathy for those who decide to commit suicide. I can't imagine being that hurt, scared, ashamed, sick, or whatever they feel. Maybe if I felt what they were feeling I would want to do the same thing. But, now, I just can't imagine ever doing that to myself or to the people I love.

Sorry, sidetracked there. Recently, I have been seeing a lot about teenage bullying and its effects. It has mostly been in the news because of the whole gay issue, but I'm looking at the broader picture here, and a lot of things I have been reading, watching, seeing recently have been very closely tied to this subject. It's terrible, and it makes me a little sick.

But I also think it is inspiring. That seems like a terrible thing to say, so let me explain it: for those that don't know, I am working with BSU's student theatre group, Theatre Unlimited, on a show called 'DoG SeeS GoD' which is an unauthorized parody about the Peanuts gang 10 years after the comic strip ended. The group is in high school, and they really didn't turn out the way you would have hoped. It's hilarious, but it deals with some very serious issues. Including bullying and gay suicide.

I had a hard time with the script at first, I didn't like it a lot, but I knew there was potential there. It's a really modern comedy, and most of the time, I don't like what we call funny nowadays. I read the script straight, and then, it dawned on me that this is a satire of our times using familiar characters to make a point. The more I looked at it that way, the more I saw the serious side of the script, and what I thought it was saying. But I was still worried. Would anyone get this? Do kids actually act like this to each other? I grew up in a very sheltered high school, so I didn't see a lot of bullying. Maybe what I saw as the thread to this show, was just in my head, and wouldn't translate. Still, I decided to run with my ideas, and hope others would understand.

Then I saw an article posted on Facebook about a high school in the suburbs of the Twin Cities that had, I think, 6 student suicides in the last year, and half of them were related to gay issues. THIS is why we had to do this show. After that article, I began to see so much about bullying in schools. In tv shows, in movies I watched, in the news, and then the Tyler C story came out. National attention is being brought to this issue.

Now I feel like I am in the right place at the right time, doing the right show. It's almost as if it was meant to be. I have no doubt now that we were meant to do this show, with our message. I'm not much of an activist, and I don't have a lot of talent and power, but what I do have is theatre. What I can do is theatre. Maybe that doesn't mean a lot in the grand scheme of things, but I know that if a single person takes what we do onstage to heart and learns to be a better person, to fight against bullying, to be a friend to the friendless, to help someone in need, to prevent another suicide, than it will be worth it.

Maybe in the grand scheme of things, this is pretty petty and self-centered. But I feel really good about this show now, and I'm going to make sure that we do the best we can. It's not just about bullying though - it's about this generation. The Generation of Desensitization (thank you KD Howells for that brilliant thought). We're so numb to things these days. We don't seem to feel as much, but we are constantly searching for it, for connection, for someone to care, for something to feel strongly. That's the thrill of getting high and living dangerously. You feel those things. But then, there is a flip side. Because we don't feel that much, we don't think about our actions effecting others, and sometimes, effecting ourselves. Sometimes, I think because they're not used to strong feelings, that they don't know what to do with them when they happen. They don't know how to deal. This leads to a lot of acting out (like drinking and drugs to kill the feeling or to enhance it) and sadly, sometimes, suicide.

I hope I am doing the right thing. And I hope feeling this way isn't wrong. I just have to do something, and I think this is what I am meant to do.

It's Hard, You Know

Well things have been ... going. Not well, but it could be a lot worse.
Had 2 interviews this last week - One with a coffee shop and one with Vanity. Both seemed to go pretty well, especially the coffee shop one. I had great recommendations from employees there, so I am hoping against hope that I get the job. At least it would be something. I won't know from either of those places until the end of this week, so that is frustrating. I've not heard anything from anywhere else. Tomorrow, I begin calling all the places I have put in applications and asking where I am in their process. I have done this with a couple places before, and each said they would get back to me - and each place has had a week to do so. I'm getting very frustrated. Why is it so hard for me to get a job?
Money is getting SO tight and bills are piling, and I'm just getting scared. I CAN NOT go home. I mean, I can, but the last thing I want to do is prove some people right. After a comment this earlier this year, I am bound and determined to make it on my own, but life is not making that easy at all. I know it is not supposed to be easy, but at this point, I just need SOMETHING to go right. I've lost my chance at getting into the Duplex my friend is in. And until I have a job, I don't have anything to offer any perspective landlords. I just feel so helpless right now.
If it weren't for my family and friends, I don't know what I would do. I've become pretty good at enjoying free entertainment and drinking water. I'm on a trivia night team now. Every Monday at Brigid's Cross. We're not amazing, but it is a really fun time. I've gone to a couple free concerts at the local bars, and have been getting into watching my friends play Magic and whatnot.
The best was one day after an interview: I went to a coffee shop to fill out an application and stayed drinking water for a while until I had to meet with a friend to discuss 'Dog Sees God' in another coffee shop. Then we both went to the Pawn Shop to see a friend who works there. The owner, a really wonderful guy, asked if we wanted anything from next door (another coffee shop) and I ended up getting a free chai tea. So my friend and I went next door for a couple hours and just sat and chatted until our other friend got off of work. The thing was: that day began HORRIBLY, and on my way to the interview, I just cried because everything was weighing on me. But sitting in the shop with my free chai and a dear friend talking about this and that and theatre was just the perfect medicine.
Speaking of theatre: it is official - I am directing Dog Sees God. I signed the contract today. Only 2 performances though. Still, we got the alternate version of the script from the author (who, by the way, is the nicest man I have never met), and everything seems to be running smoothly. Hopefully soon, they will schedule production meetings and we will get started on that. Auditions are early October and we perform mid-November. I am very excited, but I am also nervous. I want to use this opportunity for a lot of things; namely to show TU what they can do if they really put their all in, but also to prove that I can do this too. Granted, I don't think this will be able to happen, but I have this secret desire to have a bunch of really important people in my life come to this show, just to show them what I can do as a director.
Aside from that: said good-bye to Andy. That was hard. I was proud though - didn't cry until after I left, and only a little. I know I will see him again, it was just that he bowed to me before I left, and well, you know how sentimental I am. It's a long story, but a bow means something special to the two of us, and so, it just got to me. Saying good-bye to him brought back a lot of feelings I've been having lately. I miss my absent friends terribly. I've been trying really hard not to be "that" friend, so I haven't tried to call anyone, and only occasionally text them. But that's still been pretty hard. There are some that I miss so much; I miss being with them, but mostly I just miss talking to them, and I want to call them so bad, but I can't bother them that way, and well, it's just hard.

Sickness & Dog Sees God

Ugh! I am sick. Today is better than yesterday though, thank goodness! I was a mess. All the sinuses were draining and I felt like my face was about to slide off of my ... face. It was not pleasant. Today I am merely stuffed up - but I can feel the collecting and it feels icky. I hate it when I get sick. I am never one to be taken care of, so yeah, more frustrations. Oh well.

On the more positive side: I got the directing gig - this is for sure happening! We have most of the designers on board except for Props (go figure) and Sound. Someone said they would be willing to do Sound, but I am thinking that the person needs to be more of an actual Designer as compared to a Technician, which is what this person is. Hopefully we will find someone in the music department who can manage. My good friend is doing the graphics and I couldn't be more excited about that because this girl is seriously talented. Also kind of excited for the girl who asked to Costume Design. She has been refused Design at the university, and it is something she has been trying to do for a while. I like giving people opportunities like that. The good thing is that we're going for modern, realistic costumes, so she won't be too overwhelmed with having to find things, but on the other hand, there are up to 40+ costumes in the show - so she won't be bored.
I can not wait to start having production meetings! I've got so many ideas running around in my head! If this turns out even 3/4 as cool as I'm thinking, we're going to have a great looking show. Of course, it is going to be up to them to make it work, and I can only hope they will be as enthused as I am. The first TU meeting went well, and it sounds like many of them are excited about this as well. Right now, I think my biggest problem is going to be finding the medium between helping them and doing it for them (At least when it comes to the paper work and design) - but I'm also not too worried about it as of now. This is mostly because I'm obsessed with figuring the characters. The more I dig, the more I feel that my concept is perfect - which is always a good thing, I think. It really is interesting to see how the characters have changed, but more importantly, why. What have they chosen to change? What have they held onto? It is just fascinating! I can hardly wait to get some actors in on this.
But I am also nervous. I was a bit of a wreck when I directed 'Boys Next Door' Thankfully I have grown a bit since then and I honestly think I can do this, and do it well. But still - this is my first out-of-school directing experience, so a lot is riding on this. I know that if this show fails, it will be my fault, and I will be tainted as a director. So, I am really hoping I can do this justice. I had a dream about the experience, and it was mostly great, but the dream ended on a weird note: everyone that I had ever worked with in theatre was in the opening night audience. EVERYONE. And to make matters a little scarier, everyone had a rose and a tomato aimed at me, looking at me like "which one are you going to get??" Then I woke up. YIKES! Freaky? Yes. Not saying that I don't want to have people to come and see this, but wow - not like that.

Okay, well that is enough for now. I'll keep you posted!

Here it is ...

This is has little to do with me and more to do with other people. At least this first part:
I hate it when people make my friends cry. HATE IT! Why, why, why do people have to be jerks to other people? Why does making others feel bad about themselves make them feel good? (Did that make sense?) I don't understand people sometimes, I really don't. And what I don't get more is why people LET others make them feel bad. I don't understand, I just don't. No names mentioned, but a good friend of mine was seeing this guy (sorta, their relationship was never defined by either one) and she did something big for him - life-altering kind of thing - which was at his request. Not too long after the life-altering thing, he began to question their relationship and since then they have been in a relationship through Text message only - and not just sweet texts, but also fighting through texts. What is up with that? This guy was such an asshole and she changed so much for him. Mistake #1. He made her feel bad about things that she liked to do, like hanging out with her friends, etc. And she still took it! ARG! Since they have mostly been not speaking, she felt comfortable going back to doing the things she likes to do. Today he messaged her and accused her of "returning to her old ways" And continued to try and make her feel bad about those things. ARG! ASSHOLE! And she feels bad, and I feel bad for her, but she is not helping herself at all, and the whole thing is just frustrating!

That aside - things with "Dog Sees God" seem to be going well. TU meeting tomorrow night that I was told to come to. Which doesn't makes sense to me because I was told they were not allowed to discuss shows without first talking to Patrick. Oh well, we'll see what happens. Did 2 different script analysises (sp?) One for me, and one for the students. But after all that work, I just have to say this: I had BETTER get to direct this show, and they had BETTER NOT have a problem with paying me for my work because, wow, I have already put in a TON of time on it. I'm getting really geared up for it! The best part: I can actually forsee this happening. If TU really gets it together, this could be one of the best shows they have done in the recent past. I think they can do it, and I have a completely optimistic view about the whole thing. For Now. I am sure at one point of another, something will change, and I will worry, but as for right now, things are looking pretty good. I even have a loose concept statement that I am PSYCHED about! This could happen!

another Update - Dog Sees God, etc

We'll quick update and move on to more interesting things.
I'm doing okay, sorta. Not having a job sucks, especially when bills are slowly trickling away all my savings. So, good-bye rent money, it was nice knowing you. Did have an interview at a Verizon store. Said I would hear back in a couple days or so. Not too encouraged, but I did all I could. Hoping it comes through. Hoping anything comes through. If not, Wal*Mart, here I come.
Knee is doing SO much better. I haven't had to wear the brace in a couple days, and just today I found out that I could go upstairs walking regular with little problem. Going down is still a bit of a problem. The knee gets a little stiff and unsure after three or four steps. But other than that, all good - THANK GOD!

On to more interesting things:
Don't remember if I mentioned this or not last time, but I am currently working on getting together a production of 'Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead' with BSU's Theatre Unlimited group. If they can find their way to pay me, I will be doing the show. I feel kinda bad about asking them for money, but I need all the help I can get and I have already invested a lot of my time into it. On one hand I have my guilt because apparently they don't have a lot of money (what the Heck happened to it all, I don't know) and I want to do this show so badly. But on the other hand, I HAVE to start getting paid for my work. I would be okay with making it a labor of love if I was in school, but I wouldn't be helping them out, or me, by doing this. The students need to understand (as I never did in school) the importance of the business side of theatre.
I'm getting INCREDIBLY excited about the show! I've got a loose concept running around in my brain, now I just have to get it concrete on paper. I'm getting a lot of ideas and I just kinda need someone to bounce those ideas off of right now.
AMAZING thing: I actually got to talk to the author of the play. It was wonderful! He was so nice and incredibly open to my questions. He is sending me the original script and has given me permission to use it if we like it better than the published one. I was so happy to be talking with him, and he just kinda confirmed a lot of the things that I was thinking about the show, and gave a new perspective on it to. Very excited to read the original script and now I can hardly wait to get working on this!
I can only hope that the group is as gung-ho about this as I am. This is such an opportunity for them! It's an edgy show with a lot of message written in the comedy, so it will be wonderful if they just give it 100%. I know they can do this, and I know this can be better than anything they have done before. The only hard part is going to be breaking out of the lackluster way their shows are usually produced. Nothing against them, but in the past (yes, I was apart of it too, I admit) not enough consideration was given to the technical and business side of the production. And if there is one thing I have learned since my time at BSU, it is the importance of tech theatre. A lot of people don't get that, and it makes for lesser quality shows. (don't even know if that sentence works structurally, but hey, there it is.) I can not WAIT for this!